Hi there,
By now you're probably familiar with my ramblings.
I think of this blog as my diary, a space to just dump my thoughts.
Writing started for me way before I knew it could make money. But once that idea hit, things changed a bit.
Suddenly, I felt inadequate.
I started worrying about things I normally wouldn't likeβ¦
"How many people are reading this?"
"Who cares about what you think?"
"How much are you making ?"
"Shouldn't you be submitting to magazines?"
"You can't create a portfolio with content like this. This is a waste of time."
I want to be recognized for my writing, to be successful as a writer.
So I write things I don't have an interest in.
I accept job offers I don't like.
I explore niches simply because it's high in demand.
I'd spend hours hunched over my laptop working.
But at the same time, part of me felt like I just craved approval, a pat on the back for my efforts.
That I was writing for the money and I forfeited the passion I had for writing.
The truth is, I'd keep writing anyway, no matter how I feel about it.
I don't see a future where I'm not a writer.
I just want to stop feeling like I'm not important enough if I don't have a huge audience or I'm not making a lot of money.
It's like a struggle with what my soul wants and what I have to do to βbe successful.β
We all crave validation in some way. To be seen.
It's the human nature.
You only exist if there's someone who sees you.
I like to call it The Ego.
It's not exactly a separate entity from who we are but I prefer to think of it and address it as one.
This is the only way I can find who I truly am.
Understand that you can't get rid of your ego because you are merely human.
You don't know yourself without your ego.
The truth is, even if we don't realize it, a lot of what we do is influenced by a desire for others to see us.
It's almost like we need the world's approval to believe who we are at our core.
That is the hypocrisy that comes with being human.
Your ego exists because of your interactions with others and a human being is a social creature.
You cannot be alone therefore you cannot get rid of your ego. You need it.
To be honest, I hate everything about being human.
It's just not right to me. I don't think we were meant to be this conscious.
It feels like an experiment that went wrong and was left to end itself.
Ugh, I have to stop here for now.
Talk soon.
Love, Luna.
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Did I tell you about this? πππ